Thursday, April 29, 2010
Sunday, April 4, 2010
Its been long since i have written my heart out, the thrust, the enmity and misunderstandings seems to have taken the toll quite recently. An idle mind is a devils workshop and my mind bestowed the devil till i had to shoo it off.
Some people think i am headstrong and arrogant. Dont know why , but seems strange to me. I would never be arrogant in the place of being friends unless you have been very bad to me before. I find people hating me to whom i have never met before which ultimately brings the provoking though in me. My seniors are affected towards me, the smile with a chain saw behind me. They call me worst things possible may be just because my ideas are different and almost their contrary.
Many a times i think about the faults in me which completely breaks me down and the life takes it toll over my time on me. There are just hand few who completely support me for which i am very grateful to.
I dont smoke, neither do i drink neither do i watch football, hence proved am not a human being at all. The criteria for speaking or surviving in my college without getting your ass ripped off. The moment you have the grass smoking you would find ten million people behind you and off course a girl to wade off your traumatic life.
At past i was mean , a very mean spirited person who just lives in his own world with hardly any friends and offcourse a person to be ridiculed. But when i change myself, the acceptance fall below average, i try talking softly to people and still i am getting ridiculed. People hate working with me just because i am not an affable person..lol you guys just dont want to accept me when i was changing and changed.
There are many overt instances when they show off the enmity on me for which i am still digging to find the answer. nowadays, making my things even more horrible people have started to ridicule the people who talk to me, its not necessary to be a dalit to get abused in my college.
I just dont wanna take name and neither i want them to know. Even to some people to whom i am following in blogger is a disgrace, All they comment is that " you cant write in any other topic other than philosophy and love" and then he walks off.
My mouth just gets zipped.
May be i am just an introvert who doesnt deserve to be in such a place. May be my mind isnt as evolved as others. May be I am that bad as people presume. May be I need to change to get along with everyone.
I want everyone to be my friends; I want them to know I am not a sort of guy whom they think. I know I am not living to prove things to other but I want to make my point. It brings cold shivers nowadays when I go on stage or do anything public.
May Be I need a time away from this place and clear things in my mind.
May be I need to pack things and leave!!!
Saturday, March 20, 2010
It was a wonderful evening; the streets were filled with many people with their face facing the pavements to catch a glimpse of any sale going on in Fashion street. It was the most awaited Mumbai Carnival, A time where the hard earned money of one year’s gets drained in a swap of a credit card. Arjun and Nisha were one among the shoppers walking in the middle of the road with their face turned right. Arjun was still grumbling for parking the car 5 kilometers away from fashion street, while Nisha could only hear SALE and see the heaven beside her. Nisha halted in front of a shop which showed an elegant black dress. Arjun was forcefully dragged into his deepest miseries. The showroom was filled with placards and advertisement showing the carnival sale by Priyanka Chopra. Arjun was mumbling even more. Nisha glanced at the piece on the display and asked for a try out. The sophisticated , yet humble owner brought her the dress, Nisha pounced onto it with excitement, It was black, studded with bauble and its aesthetic thread work gave it an expensive look, The very though of her in this dress made her even more excited and left her wanting for it. Nisha looked at Arjun and showed him the piece, with his usual concern , he flipped the dress and caught it with its price tag, It showed “2500 rs”, his heart skipped a beat, he looked again and again at the price and was surprised. He immediately handly the owner his golden colored Citibank credit card. Arjun knew that nisha loved the dress but he was just hoping that she doesn’t reconsider the decision as probably this must be one of her cheapest shopping ever. Arjun laughed at himself, considering himself lucky. The bill came first with the card and Nisha took the neatly packed dress in a cover which portrayed a pug holding a placard –“DOLCE”. Arjun looked at nisha for a formal and usual praise but all that came out from her mouth was ”Now matching shoes”.Arjun’s gleeful face dimmed like a rustic tractor and began mumbling again as he knew, arguing would only lead him to spend more. Nisha gently kissed Arjun’s cheek to lighten his mood but it didn’t work.
At some distance away, A callous boy who is just over adolescent walked through the crowded streets. He was coming back from his afternoon shift at Mc Donalds, he was lucky today to have made a 100 rs and a lunch with half eaten burgers and ice-creams, it was only during these days he could make some money otherwise everyone walking on the streets knew him. He was Raj, a school dropout, who makes him living at the mercy of the shoppers. Raj walked by the streets, counting his total earning of today. He was totally elated and though about the feast that awaited him for the rest of this month. Raj, moved from people to people who adorned atleast 10-15 paper bags with hi-fi English names scribbled on it, he was lucky to have got some more cash, when he just saw a girl holding a neatly packed bag kissing her boyfriend. He immediately looked down and saw the bag and spoke “ Wodofone ka kutta……ab jackpot, where ever u go our network follows.......hehe i follow”. He dumped all the cash and coins in his hand in his pant pocket and ran towards them and started begging for money.
Arjun ignored the beggar and walked while the beggars presence was felt by Nisha. She opened her purse to give the boy some money while arjun retaliated with a huge sigh and pulled the purse off her. The boy never stopped, he kept following Nisha . While adamant Arjun caught Nisha’s hand and pulled her fast . Raj never stopped he kept chasing them. Nisha abruptly stopped at a shop, a small shop on the side of a small turning. Raj stopped and looked at them , They both walked towards the small shoe shop and enquired about the price of a shoe to a girl taking care of that shop.The girl said “One minute , I will send the owner, I was here to just take care of the shop while he was away”, saying this the girl disappeared in the dark corner. A rough but shaky voice came out through the dark “ Yes!”, Arjuns and Nisha attention diverted from raj who meanwhile was asking for some alms. A short, half bald , white dyed beard and hair came, His walking stick bigger than him. He voice belied his age, His face completely wrinkled like an elephant and hardly any teeth, This man’s appearance showed his abjected poverty. The old man continued “ It will cost you 500 rs”. Arjun began to negotiate “I wont give more than 300 rs for this shoe” while Nisha tried to divert Arjuns attention from the old man to the Boy. After bargaining for sometimes, Arjun was annoyed by the boys presence and shouted “ move off!! I am not going to give you any cash, u r young and healthy …get your cash by working..u lazy pig!”. Raj’s face showed the young angry bull in him and said “tu nahi de raha hai na….tu marege saale , tu accident se marega”, those words just infuriated Arjun , He caught the boy by his collar and said “ Saale gutter, chal police station chal”. The old man seeing Nisha’s persuasion to stop Arjun from over reacting came forward and bet raj with his stick and asked him to leave. The boy said some curse in Marati and diffused among the crowd. Nisha’s eyes reddened by the words of the boy , while Arjun still hot and mumbling louder. The old man said “ Sahib! I will sell it for 300 rs” , you take it. Arjun looked at the old man, who could hardly move his fingers to cover the shoe in the shoe box, gave him 600 rs and took the shoes in his hands. The old man bewildered and gave away 300 rs to Arjun. Arjun meanwhile covering the shoes with polythene cover, gazed up in excite ment. Arjun spoke softly “ take it, i am ready to pay 600 rs for this shoe”, The old man got up form his chair and said “ But I sold it for 300rs only..here take 300 rs back”, Arjun was about to leave with Nisha who was clinging still to Arjuns left shoulder turned and said “ 300rs is for your will to work hard for your living”. The old man couldn’t understand and before he could reply Arjun had left.
For first Arjun walked with a smile on his face and walked 5km to the car without mumbling.
Sunday, March 14, 2010
This was one of the best weeks in my life, in learning; however, some fortune sided from here and there. To begin with, my college saw one of the biggest fest- THE EMPORIA 1989, the scientific symposium. Hats off to the organizers for this successful fiesta and experience for me. The day begins at 9 in the morning and ended at 9 in the evening, the end result after tiresome day was a fourth place in an event and complete exhaustion. I loved the way things went, and got acclimatized to the agenda.
Met a lot of people in these 4 days, saw many new parts of people and also “enjoyed” with them. Group events had 4/3 different people in my group with different character and heavy headedness. Adjustments, complaints and victory came along my way. However, the victory didn’t give much of relief; It was mostly overshadowed by allusive complaints and contempt. I hate myself now, for not having recognized this in each and every one of them. Everyone (my team mates) targeted me and blamed me for being so callous. It was again allusive. I haven’t paid attention to people’s behavior as much as I did this week. I didn’t know that people type each and every word I utter in chronological order in their mind. For this I again censured myself for being so naïve and abandoning the true world. Among these, plots, climax and complaints the progress in competition was constant.
It’s amazing to see how life works, one point of time u gets advised and by the next second you advise people. I am not good at that, but worked hard in giving it and miserably failed. By the way, how can you advise better to the person who advises you always (some one who is didactic). I was acquitted for taunting (which happens always), not minding my own business and getting into the personal issues of others life (5th in a row…waiting for 2nd time hat trick, each time I change I get accused for the same thing for which I was accused first), for naming “uncultured” special prefixes and names to the applicants and last but not the least being very naïve and gauche. My mind still quest for the reason , but I appreciate your decision and completely support your unselfish accord.
I, by now have got used to these, and have become a prisoner in a bastion. I tried changing but complaints keep pouring, I try keeping pace with the changing world. My funny body and mind has become so different that I buried my true self deep underground over a tombstone etched RIP and I am happy that I have changed. I don’t want to dig up the real me, as I know that this present “me” is way stronger, better, adaptable and decently amenable. With the recent incident, I hardly can rely on any people who have become close to me by my “amenable” nature. But still, I have a hope that somewhere around the world I have a friend who is waiting to lend me his hand or shoulders when I need them. It’s funny to realize that whenever I was pepped while I was in depression was just a crafty trick played on me. In short, I was smoking cigarette so long and getting the symptoms of cancer in a heavy smoker.
It still lingers in my ears, your shivering voice, heavy breath and cutting words. I am not complaining- I am just enjoying the flourishing moments of my life. Unfortunately or fortunately you have carved a deep crust in my mind which might not be erased, even after my mind stops thinking.
Now, I am just sick and tired of changing myself and winning something in any competition in my college. I give up travelling blindfolded. I want to be a demagogue or rogue, his life is short and sweet with loads of excitements and anecdotes to narrate in hell or heaven. I give up my group of friends for you; I give up my friendship for you. I give up my tongue; life could be a bit sweet for a dumb. You might not accept that way but I am strong enough to assure that I can handle my life without you. It’s just another scar in a wound, so won’t be painful. The antidote for this anguish would be somewhere and I would hopefully found out.
I am moving on to the next city where superficial and skeptic relationship being outdated rules, only my dreams and my parents enjoying their ride in Venice is all in my mind.
Good Bye and would definitely miss the time I spent with you.
After the letter was posted to his sister, Murphy departed to where no human can come back!!
Monday, January 25, 2010
Enough of this no LIFE business, The semester began with a new thrill. with my class unity broken and class being attended while i stay back at my home enjoying life with my new CAM.
Nevertheless, the impact is tacit. The day i arrived, i was stuffed with news more than what i can acctually hold to. I had to placate my professor about my attendance and lab manuals. WHile my friends walks in the streets with many heads turning towards him. LOL !!..Must be a gate crashing incident. Its a religion in my college that the most dumb and lazy goons and goonies(i meant the gals) carry the title of "OH!! My god!!". This argument was fought with many cogent people but at the end the most eloquent person stands to gain the most of the importance. My interest grew more huge and grandiose. Now, its the time to investigate the CASE of "OH! MY god"...
First review, it was simple, this creature works day and night and almost is nocturnal and philanderer except the unreasoning sexual orientation part (:P). This served the purpose, the next day the creature looks half doped.
THe creature moves around with some "elite" creature, who are garrulous, boring and very very inane. The inference, the box rite in your head is not being used.
The meet always, be it in the canteen , at the gate, in the hostel, at the gym....at the bathroom( oops!!....come out in flow), they just move around in a gregar.Oh i just forgot, Their new means of transport is from a 2 wheeled machine to a violet hilled 4 wheeled transport...strange......
THE RESULT: I became even more confused moving on to the test 2.
I decided to test their mode of talk. The observations were very interesting.
THey just talk , talk , talk something but most of the time , they talk the same thing again and agian. They are hardly cogent speakers, they are verbose.
The creature under observation is quite different from the gregar , he is laconic. But unfortunately, conveys more through emotions and facial expressions.
Offcourse becomes very very cajoling when it comes to a telepathic talk through a small box which he holds it near the ear. The time flies , and he turns from laconic to glib loquaciousness.
A chameleon is the main characteristics of this creature.
This was very interesting as it walks on the road, he smiles and talks to everyone on the roads, not to the creature of the same sex but its the other. Or he walks with the same telepathic instruments on the road. His Colour changes as the sun goes to bed, he talks to almost everyone , everyone with ease. Phone calls comes flooding and creature on the other end, unvaryingly cajoles him and also obviates him.
its obvious to this kind of creature to obviate him as anyone would do the same for a king being coronated twice.
In short, the test for this continues.....next observations about the behaviour pattern would come in next paper.
CONCLUSION: CHAMELEON CREATURE, BOASTFUL, CELEBRITY........and more coming ...
the next paper would have his complete description.