Its been long since i have written my heart out, the thrust, the enmity and misunderstandings seems to have taken the toll quite recently. An idle mind is a devils workshop and my mind bestowed the devil till i had to shoo it off.
Some people think i am headstrong and arrogant. Dont know why , but seems strange to me. I would never be arrogant in the place of being friends unless you have been very bad to me before. I find people hating me to whom i have never met before which ultimately brings the provoking though in me. My seniors are affected towards me, the smile with a chain saw behind me. They call me worst things possible may be just because my ideas are different and almost their contrary.
Many a times i think about the faults in me which completely breaks me down and the life takes it toll over my time on me. There are just hand few who completely support me for which i am very grateful to.
I dont smoke, neither do i drink neither do i watch football, hence proved am not a human being at all. The criteria for speaking or surviving in my college without getting your ass ripped off. The moment you have the grass smoking you would find ten million people behind you and off course a girl to wade off your traumatic life.
At past i was mean , a very mean spirited person who just lives in his own world with hardly any friends and offcourse a person to be ridiculed. But when i change myself, the acceptance fall below average, i try talking softly to people and still i am getting ridiculed. People hate working with me just because i am not an affable person..lol you guys just dont want to accept me when i was changing and changed.
There are many overt instances when they show off the enmity on me for which i am still digging to find the answer. nowadays, making my things even more horrible people have started to ridicule the people who talk to me, its not necessary to be a dalit to get abused in my college.
I just dont wanna take name and neither i want them to know. Even to some people to whom i am following in blogger is a disgrace, All they comment is that " you cant write in any other topic other than philosophy and love" and then he walks off.
My mouth just gets zipped.
May be i am just an introvert who doesnt deserve to be in such a place. May be my mind isnt as evolved as others. May be I am that bad as people presume. May be I need to change to get along with everyone.
I want everyone to be my friends; I want them to know I am not a sort of guy whom they think. I know I am not living to prove things to other but I want to make my point. It brings cold shivers nowadays when I go on stage or do anything public.
May Be I need a time away from this place and clear things in my mind.
May be I need to pack things and leave!!!