Friday, November 20, 2009

flooded eyes....

It was a dark and silent room. It was so silent that i could heart my own heart beating, beating so erratically. I opened a half wooden door to find the same darkness in filling up my eyes. My breathing became strong and i found it difficult to breathe. Click! the light switched on, a neon bulb burning on top of the mirror....the mirror was dazed, with stains of ferric oxide on it. The remnants of the old drops formed a foggy dull shine, i could see my face, it looked more tired than before, the faucet was opened and gush of cold water started pouring out, it was cold , really cold. I bent down to wash my face , a gush of water cleansing the dust, i opened my eyes and found it covered with red, red liquid. Frantically, i washed my face with the sleeves of my piece of brown skin showed up still stained in red...i washed my face with water, this time i observed the water flooding my hands, it was clear, i washed my face and quickly glanced at the mirror, my face covered with red. I dried my face using the shirt sleeves again and it was red but i could feel the cold air on my skin, i noticed, my eyes became red...i was standing looking at the red drops flowing from my eyes.Shocked!! I again jumped my hands into water and cleaned my eyes..i glanced at the mirror, i see myself laid face down, with the same clothes. Scared, i could feel the blood flowing into my hands and legs...i brushed my eyes again and again.. every time i look at it, i find myself laid down but now i see myself standing up slowly....not believing that it was in there.Immediately, i pinched myself for a dream, i could feel the pain. It was moving towards me, face stained with blood , arms twisted and neck broken. It kept coming closer to me, believing it to be haunted i panicked and reached for the door, i opened the door and i saw something falling towards me...screaming...i ran back...i found a body falling from the door.....the sound of it falling was echoing in my ears. Frightened , i walked up to the body and kicked it laid still..i kicked it even laid still....i lowered myself and rolled the body to check out who is it..........i gasped back with fright , i found myself painted in red, with a big pool of blood at the center, unable to believe , i lowered agian and went to the body and checked out his body...i found it breathing.....with perspiration giving me enough toil, i cleaned my forehead, and checked it pulse....the body had no pulse..i check it again ..the pulse was dead..yet the body breathing...........
I closed my eyes not able to believe of what had happened....i could see my eyes flooding, i shut my eyes even more......with time, i opened my eyes, the floods poured out through my cheeks and i realised that i was on my bed with no body and blood around....yeah with just one difference, i am feeling of guilt for what i had done!!....SORRY, i am paying the price for it heavily!!

Thursday, October 22, 2009

where am i to??

the alarm continues.......i hear a faint loud noise echoing behind the alarm, it didnt stop , it continued growing louder, it grew louder than the, i am restless i tried opening one eye lid to see the noise that is given competition to my phone's alarm....i usually consider my phones alarm louder than certain laptops itself....the voice seemed to be familiar, and it was cming from the figure next to my bed....the blurring figure kept making the noise, it took a few seconds to recognize this familar voice and the though pumped with an injection of adrenalin,i sat on the bed ..folding the was my mom kept shouting and special reasons..getting up late....i took my phone and switched the alarm off but my moms wrath kept pouring, till i dragged myself to the wash basin to have a look at me and reach for my touch paste and brush...after the morning innings , my mom left for school and i somehow finished one glass full of milk...(burp!!)...with a sudden sense of anxiety i sprint to my room...switching on my computer...being a very very ultra modern comp it takes 20 minutes to boot up and alas my anxiety and adrenalin are ready to be pumped., i switch on my internet router and double click the "google chrome" and went off to collect the news paper and go through the headlines...after 10 minutes the chrome gets loaded and the internet gets connected..thankfully the internet is broadband...something too fast for an old tortoise (my comp)i type in yahoomail id and wait...the curses keeps rotating ..keeps rotating..the progress bar shows"connecting to" ...again i glance at the didnt change...with time, not only my patience was thinning my anxiety was also....i started becoming restless....alas, the main page of yahoomail apppears.....i rapidly type in my mail id and password...and press enter.......again the waiting game starts...but this time...t was very long..expecting a good news via the mail, the opened another tab and typed in anxiety grew as the tab in which yahoo was opened was showing the cursor rotating along the side it just said "YAHOO MAIL" my dismay i havent recieved a mail...i logged out and signed in almost every 20 minutes just to find the same....even now i have written this blog only during that 20 minutes time....again when i open the mail box i get "NO unread message"

Saturday, September 26, 2009


The Hot brownie which i had from valentine kept my thoughts in it till coming to college by auto. Offcourse , also the fight about who being the best - Priyanka Chopra or Vidya Balan?... Fights apart, in recent times , i have been following the path of silence, however it didnt bring out much of change in me as me being a total introvert. The money was being paid to the Autowala and we were crossing the road, a youth ( nothing new) came fast in a bike and crossed us, he probably thought that the girl coming with us would be impressed by his "youthful" sense of driving. ON the contrary the girl was pale and i dont think that she would have even noticed the guy going in the bike. The college gate greeted me ad mist the guards whistling and the rather unusual couple walking in as we walked into our home. They seemed to be different something which they had and i lacked..........thoughts ran like chaotic rats in search of reason, they couple noticed me gaping at them but still kept showing they teeth and smiles at each other. It was getting late now, the dark clouds of time pulled the girl with us away to her territory. I marched towards my lair, I kept observing, everything ...every little thing happening around me. I noticed the argument between my colleagues walking with me about their profs being gud or bad........argument persisted in th background while my attention slipped to the next road, this time it was a bike no bike carrying 3 people on it, all of them enjoying especially the guy in the middle. i knew him, i knew him very well. He was a guy who liked the girl with whom i walked into the college with. He noticed me gaping at him, all he had to give me was a very very awkwardly sly smile. The argument about the professor hadnt stopped yet, it seemed to be abysmal. By this time , my thoughts grew even more hungry...about what?? probably still searching for the question. A burst of laughter broke my thoughts, my stubborn stare caught the attention of group of young girls gossiping at the PMC. I reluctantly changed the look on my face, however my stare didnt give them a shit, they became quite but it was short lived , all broken again by a burst of laughter and they went back to what they are good in. Furiously i paced fast to my territory, which the arguments about the professor being good or bad heating up very well. I didnt give them a heed , again i was lost in thoughts , i saw people moving past me yapping in god knows wat language, people cycling fast and humming music and enjoying the AR rehman singing inside them.The lassitude lights kept moving as fast as the train moves in through a tunnel. Alas, i not only reached my hostel, the argument stopped , nevertheless the argument was superseded by the guy who always does even though his opponent had put in better arguments. I walk up hurriedly to my room , 2 heavens above.....passing though the people screaming , yapping , crying and cajoling . The last turn i made with my key , the latch was freed and the doors to my pretty messy heaven tore open. Now, Though the thoughts have stopped searching for the reason - all it said was I M MUKUNTH and its better you commune your self in this four walls to watever you were searching...............HAPPINESS AND JOY...................................

Wednesday, September 2, 2009

The other side

Its been a while since i have blogged so i guess its the tome to begin a new era of blogging. Lols there is not gonna be a much of change in it...pretty much the same but with loads of facts and the blizz for others.

The three of them ran helter skelter in search of refuge from this tormenting rain. The clouds grew grey ,the peacocks grew colourful, and the three of us running in search of the nearest "dry " place. The wind grew strong, the rains dropped harder and the road became a stream.The rain wasnt expected anywhere sooner according to the unpredictable meteorologists. finally, the three thick friends found a shelter to save themselves from the never ending rain. The place was a bilapilated old college building. The three of them dried themselves using their wet napkins. The rains began growing stronger as the drops acted as slabs of opaque water falling mercilessly due to an endless fight in the skies. Shyam sighed and sat down in the steps dejected, cursing the rain. Rahul was busy making his wet-burnt phone work. while Vishal maintained solitude. The echo of the rains lingered and was broken by Vishal's loquacity. Rahul kept cursing the rain and while Shyam kept nudging him to stop. Vishal kept talking about the rain , how heavily its raining and how beautiful sounds it must be making. Noone ever payed any attention to each other. The rain began to abate and the opaqueness of the drops began to lessen and there in the far end stood a peacock with it full feather flocked up dancing to the nature's tune. Vishal grew anxious and ebullient and screamed in excitement as he saw this happening,Shyam saw the beautiful angel and began acclaiming the nature's beauty. Rahul heard the call of the peacock and began estimating it dancing tunes and enjoyed her hoarse voice....Shyam and Vishal got off the shelter and ran towards the peacock ,but the legend took off as it saw them approaching her at full speed. While Rahul stayed back. The dejected friends just smiled at the pesky bird and walked off to Rahul....
meanwhile one of the other 2 friends saw the three best friends and commented" saala, what a piece of shit they are, running after a peacock after all??" and knuckled....while another replied "Dude, they are special!!" the former countered" u supporting them kutta??" the latter knuckled"yeah"...the former fumed with rage and siad : u wanna be those bunch of loosers who call the peacocks crow sweet??" "yeah , it is sweet for those who doesnt hear it"," its an angel for those who doesnt see it" and " its a boon for us to keep listening to us without objecting to us".........." so u mean that they are physically handicapped??", "NO!!...they are just differently abled with different special gifts"

Saturday, June 20, 2009

DEMISE of equality

It was Shilpa's one of the most common days of her dissappointing life. As usual, the routine of her life for the past few years ,was to dress vivdly wid plain clothes and get ready to take her bag with her to search for admission . She wanted to go to college, and learn and earn more and give back what her parents had given her. The thought of her parents gave her an overshadowing remourse of the past , the life with them . She always vividly imagined the days wen her father used to carry her to school and tell her about the things going on in science and urged her to pursue the path never tyaken by many. Her life was completely different now, first of all she is grown now, and her parents are no more who died in the godra riots. She has been brought up in hostel with the amazon grouchy warden. It was about early morning , she stood in front of the mirror checking herself giving a quick glances at her watch. wen she had done , she flew towards her bag which a steriotyped one, she didnt look if her files and certificates were fine, as she knew tat it would be undisturbed body like the unclaimed corpse in the station. She ran down the road,she hurried her steps inspite of her having a hell lot of time for the interview. She almost jogged her way to the station , which by now was completely crowded by the local mumbaikars going to their work. She hurried to keep the pace with commuters and got her ticket, she sped to the platform and checked her watch , it showed 8.15 am. She had plenty of time, the interview was at 10.00 am. the fast local arrived and the crowd got down monotonously before the train could screech to halt. She amde it a point to get into the lady's cmpartment which was difficult to be spoted among the crowded bogies of the train. With her expert eyes she got into one, just beofre the tain kleft. The train immediately spung into immense speed and there the station dissappeared. She whispered" all going gud", the journey was about 30 minutes and by the time she reached her station , the compartment was almost empty. She was nervous ,as she desperately wanted to get into this college as this was her 18th college in mumbai she is trying for,Inspite of her gud grades and excellent educational rcord she has been denied admission. She briskly got into a taxi and went to the college, she was early , atleats an hour early. She hurried to the office , the office just got up after a along weekend break, the clerk guided her to the principal room and within minutes as though knowing the whole plan of the college she reached his cabin. It wasnt open yet, it was a common site for her as she usually reaches the place well in advance, she took time to relax herself and get into the interview mood, she quickly zapped through her files and certificates and kept repeateing her intro that she was about to give, she didnt forget a bit , everytime she told her intro she was excited about it even now, this being her 19th time. The clerk called her inside, she didnt know y, she looked questioningly at him, she replied " admission ke liye , patha hai na..dus baje". she freakishly gave a smile and nod , realised the time flew out well!!, the principals room was serene, with a huge neatly put desk and a board of tropies in the side. The place smelt of morning dew. The principal, looked at her and gave her assent to sit, the interview began , she briskly gave and showed her files , the principal seems to be impressed, she was sure to get admission , the principal gave her a nod , and questioned" its been 4 years since u completed ur school and y havent u got admission before , wat were u doing for these years?" her head spinned, she just hoped tat she would nt be questioned abt tat, she bleakly replied" a job, i was doing a job, so that i cud get enuf for my college", the next question was immediately and delivered a chill to her spine" wat job?? and wer?", she tot to tell another thing but she didnt have any sort of certificates to prove tat she has been working, her happiness was gone, gone forever, it was completely overshadowed by her past, she replied" i wont tell tat", the angry principal questioningly argued with her, the debate was for about 20 minutes , she came out of the cabin, drenched with sweat, she knew for sure tat she wont get admission agian, she was completely sobbing, she ran to a quiet corner and cried aloud, she kept sobbing and screaming" y me??"" wat did i have to do wid this??" " i am not supposed to be like this" always she walked agian back to her lair disaapointed , she sobbed even more, this time it was in her room, she wanted to end her life,nothing in this world matter to her to live, all she wanted for was education, the crime which she had made of thinking of education, she made up her mind and jus ransacked her room, searching for something strong. she made a noose with her bedsheet from the fan hook , bearing a worried and scared heart about the death and pain, she got on the chair, the noose carefully on her neck, she wiped her tears and screamed but still sobbing , and she pushed the rim of chair, the noose tightened and she couldnt breathe, her death enveloped her, with a last few jerks from her body the life of this innocent gal was taken. Shilpa could'nt forget the fact that she has been denied admission , which really prickked her . She was denied inspite of gud record , just because she was a sex worker which time could never heal............

Wednesday, June 10, 2009


It was serene ,calm, and provided me with much needed time and peace which seems to be scarse in this lively and noisy city of MUMBAI. The dome seemed to be irregular offcourse getting sharp at the ends , fitted with tiny multicolored glasses,all glittering joyfully and overpowering the each other with its wonderful glitter. Overall the mosiac of glass provided a glympse of what the temple had to offer for me in near time.The surrounding contained a chamber of pillars leading to the main altar, huge hallways just like the aisle in the church and offcopurse beautifully aestically carved altar. The altar was gaurded by few saffron wrapped priest who was busy humming to their hearts content not bearing the heat of the setting sun. The hallway was a closed room which did not provide any space for darkness and dampness. Craved religious figures and painted and framed pictures of god and goddess accompanied me through the hallways. The floors were painted with beautiful multicolored designed and even the roof wasnt left idle. Everything in that place was unique and idalic.The serenity and calmness makes me to do the obvious of switching off my mobile as i didnt want to prosecute this rule in his lair.Being early evening the temple had just woken up from its afternoon nap!!The priest-an adept nimbling his fingure acroos the gods statue to get him prepared for the evening score. There is going to be huge , stupendous,overwhelming crowd of pious eldersand acediate youths who are going to accompany the elders. There wasnt much to look around the temple, few round u make u could complete prayer for all eternity, but most of the time i was just listenning to the silence which i had experienced after a very long time-silence.Silence for which i wanted to be in and fell in love with it. The sancity made me realise what i didnt notice-peace of mind and also told me the fact that i am not ALONE.

ADMIST the coast, the dome with its golden altar seen from the side of the road. The automotives dont have inside the premises, one needs to walk alone half a mile on foot along the salty breez of the ARabian sea. The sea was calm , offcourse dirty-thanks to the modernisation of this evergrowing city of mumbai. The evening breeze was gentle. however it didnt seem to be as salty as it usually was wen we visited the place for the first time. apart form the sea, there was also an arabian sea of people walking along with me to visit the architectural marvel of the past centuries. we were welcomed by a huge gateway, which supported the inner dargah of this ancient mosque. The gateway was surrounded by minars each supporting hude helium lights and offcourse the electronic loudspeakers. The gateways was painted white which semms to have got its last coat centuries before. There was a thick crowd of people believing in another set of principles than mine's. the open walls which followed the entrance was hardly to be seen , the place was chaiotic and addle, with people moving in all directions. There was a huge crowd to a dome in the centre of this closed space. IT was decorated with bright prayer cloth all accross the dargah, The dominace of arabic was accentuated , we disguised ourslefs like the traditional muslims to blend into the crowd. The energy and noise was too high to make it serene or calm. But it had something which drove them to find out. The aesthetic dome was covered with glass pieces, from the middle hung av crystal chandalier which didnt make much of dominance. RIght below it was a silver frame supporting a huge , high frangrant, decorated green cloth which seemed to be their honour of prayer.Surrounding it were the priest, humming hymns and blessing the believers by the peacock feathers. The environment right outside completely cntained the gapping people and offcourse the magnifient city of mumbai which is still healing the wounds of 26/11 attack and also the structure which fought against time and stood there for turning everyones attention.

IT was then , when i made my way to the sea to soak my feet into the warm eveving sea water. There were many people along with me , in groups, in pairs, and alone all trying to do their way to enjoy what this unknown person has gifted us-life.Once i sat onthe humid rock which was the home for many mussells before, with my foot in water, viewing the red sun dip into the sea after a long days work, i again was made to realise whati didnt notic, peace of mind. For wat i have been searching, and wat i have been greedy for and wat we all hope for- peace.Both the buldings were just mere structures to the eyes of a common man. But it is a virtual site for peace for people who is a common man , but in desperate search of something wen he is ALONE or deserted.BEFORE WE LOST SOMETHING, BUT AFTER TAJ WAS BURNT TO SONTERS, WE LOST EVERYTHING, EXCEPT HOPE TO UNITE BACK FOR PEACE EVEN THOUGH WE ARE ALONE.

Tuesday, May 26, 2009


Bless all the people for cursing me to write down a new blog after a very very very long time.
well!! The exam turned out to be gud inspite of a very miserable underperformance, i landed up scoring decently this semester.First of all this wasnt a shock for me , i was happy enough to get wat i wanted( but i could have scored a lot) its not that i am nagging about my underperformance. I am greatful that i am not a whinner ,that saves me from a lot of scolding and pityness.What ever has been in the past is past and now lets come to the gift of present.

The holidays wasnt a drag this time as i had planned to make it a little bit tighter by doing an internship in Mumbai.The first 2 weeks flew off by getting used to very very nice food from the bad ones( past!!) which i did bear to eat for the last few months.
Spending time with mom and dad, did the magic of getting rid of the college chaos from my mind( as offcourse my exams too).We spent a lot of time than usual together and had more fun this time. Now thats just left me for wanting more when i go back this july.
Coming back to the point, There has been a lot of outing and fun rather than research and studies. Mumbai being a very inviting place for tourist who wander around in thirst for some exquisite destinations.Gladly!! we were one among them ( now we meaning = kanika , shreya , abhinav and myself ( all from the same college)). We had gone to numerous places like marine drive, gateway of india, TAj hotel, shivaji park, dadar beach, mahalaxmi temple, hajiali and last but not the least elephanta caves. These were the place which we had made it a point to look in the last 2 weekends. The best part of our trip was the elephanta caves. The ferry ride was rather dull and sickening. We were all left wanting to stand up steadily on our foot. The place was crowded and the sun did not show us any mercy and neither did the humidity. However, the cool winds blew only when we were returning back to gateway.
The caves were normal just like the normal indian caves, half the statues were broken and most of them were beheaded ( or was it made like that)..but still we enjoyed. I did enjoy the caves not for its rich indian heritage it showed inspite of its dilapilated condition but because of a girl. She was tall ,pretty dark and always had a fixed smile showing her near white teeth. Perhaps she did come to see the caves for the first time. She was accompanied by her mom( oh! no) and her sister or cousin which i didnt really know. Offcoure the villan of every guy came late,the father came late holding a bottle of water with him ( probably he bought them). She walked gracefully touching each and every bit of rock there (which was suppose to be the statues) carefully. I guess she was out of breath after the first caves, sadly her stamina was nt good. Her protective mom was telling her something everytime she went to a cave or to a statue. Even though she was tired she was getting happier and excited as she moved from one cave to another, by the end she was excited , just like a mad monkey.
I really dont know why was i looking at her all the time, she had something that brought my attention. Something , i adore and really needed at that time. I studied her more closely while we were getting down to get into the ferry but she seemed to be a perfectly normal gal . All of my friends got onto the ferry hurriedly to catch some seats .Luckly this time the ferry was way faster and the current also seemed to be gud as the water kept splashing on us. Still my attention was towards her, now she was not perspiring , she was talking on the phone probably to her brother, excited telling what she saw, just like a 5 year old kid who just jumps around if he gone to the zoo and telling his grandparents what he saw. Now the journey was over , this time the boat was very fast. the gateway welcomed us and behind looked the recovering Taj , shyly showing its heritage and determination of coming back after the shock it was in. There i turned around to find the girl who just wanted to tell me something ,dunno wat still, i spotted admist her relative all surround her just like a mother elephant protecting its cub from a lioness. There she took out a stick which was foldable , which grew out to look like a walking still, and she wore a pair of dark glasses, i realised what i learnt from her then, she taught me to live among all odd ,gave a simple request to help them and a curiousity to learn inspite of ones condition and offcourse the joy in living the life with what u are. Now i was greatful to god, not for making me born like her, for showing that girl to me who really knows a lot about life than me. The trip was still the best among the others. I learnt a lot , not from papers but from people and this time i really learnt it.
God , just dont be cruel to anyone else , for a sweet girl to be born BLIND.

Saturday, January 10, 2009


This experience which you may be reading is probably very synoptic , just because I am writing this after watching despicable yet exciting movie- SAW 5. Leaving that aside , good times are hard ahead as the college reopened with no water and electricity on the day we arrived and to top it all off with no Internet too. Days didn’t seem to be on my way the next day either with a very tough and long timetable for this semester.

Seeing no use in sitting in the hostel , I wore in my jerkins and set to canteen to access the internet with WI-FI system. The route was covered with shadows with patches of indolent light from the street lights trying hard to show up their existence. Many other seniors were chatting loudly with friendly curses and off course some were on phone with their “loved” ones far apart. I spend 2 hours in the canteen accessing the net .I could have stayed for more but my laptop’s battery wouldn’t agree to stay longer. The time was around 1 in the morning , this is when i realized that I was enjoying the internet in solitude. With the street dogs making their usual patrol in the streets made me a little bit petrified. Nevertheless the solitude drove it off. With no one in far end of my sight , I felt as though I just bought the whole world. The slow winds cooled me and the rustling leaves giving me company. I had no one except for my own shadow. The lazy light glowed up as I walked as the spotlight following a cine star. The cool winds seized to blow ,instead a long silence entered my path. The silence was too much to handle for me, so I broke it up with my favorite song “adiye Kollude( someone’s killing me)” a song from a tamil movie. Being alone , I gave a shot on singing, I started humming the song as the song progressed ….feeling more confident I started singing a bit loudly , the winds blew up as if trying to make the trees to dance to my song….probably encouraging me to sing . However giving it my best, I started singing very loudly squandering all my energy. The wind tuned to my singing and becaming very strong , however I never realized that it was cold…be it anyone else seeing me do this probably would have confirmed that I was a lunatic on loose. Even after the song stopped , the wind didn’t making me realized what I was enjoying which even in million bugs you wouldn’t enjoy. Be it even with friends but no one could be a better companion nor your admirer than the nature…all of a sudden all the things flashed at once within me, making me realize the angel who was with me even when I was alone at midnight probably in the middle of some haunted road dwelled by the nasty street dogs. All I can do now is just wonder about that night ..that very night which made me realize that I AM IN LOVE………, OH!!! YES, I AM IN LOVE and what a way to realize that…………….