y am i doing this?

BOY 'O BOY

2010-04-29T08:33:00.000-07:00

The harbinger of holiday season, Its exam time now! books , papers, Xerox, sleepless nights, no evening walks, no night telephones ( to u know who), No time for a bath and debt at Jacky! Exams days bring with itself a new aura, the very opening of urethra becomes involuntary when the third internals is over and you have almost the whole elephantine syllabus in front of you. Boy 'o Boy, exam time makes the frustrated minds explode and "Brilliant minds" Nurture. Boy 'O Boy, exam time is coming....with my room getting flooded with people asking doubts in spite of me pissing with every word of the syllabus. In Fact, It is the rule of my room to be filled with at least 3 people a minutes..and god knows y these people come when i have the same blank face to each and every problem, Some walk out with sympathy , while some walk out with a smirk on their face! Oh u have achieve a treasure!

Jealously , sadistic satisfaction and condescending are the high priority !! mind it even if you have not started your syllabus!!..

GOSH!! my exam is gonna go good for sure !!

every nook and corner i find books showing things that i can hardly relate, except for my bed and Laptop with hardly has any such weird nonsense! Before in school days, the exams time used to be the test of understanding and mugging but in college every thing gets better and tougher.. you would have a whole lot of geeks, sadistic behavior and mental torture to cope up to.

However, the entertainment quotient is way higher with people half lost in their dream land of formulas and their follies are the icing on the cake. To add to the fun, the night time tea which is given to keep us awake lures us to sleep as soon as our eyes catch the sight of our cozy beds.

Boy 'O Boy i am waiting for the exams, Truly, it might not be fun studying and giving the exams but its worth the pressure for these priceless entertainment.

BOY 'O BOY exam is coming with the anticipation of the holiday season!!

May be....

2010-04-04T01:22:00.000-07:00

Its been long since i have written my heart out, the thrust, the enmity and misunderstandings seems to have taken the toll quite recently. An idle mind is a devils workshop and my mind bestowed the devil till i had to shoo it off.

Some people think i am headstrong and arrogant. Dont know why , but seems strange to me. I would never be arrogant in the place of being friends unless you have been very bad to me before. I find people hating me to whom i have never met before which ultimately brings the provoking though in me. My seniors are affected towards me, the smile with a chain saw behind me. They call me worst things possible may be just because my ideas are different and almost their contrary.

Many a times i think about the faults in me which completely breaks me down and the life takes it toll over my time on me. There are just hand few who completely support me for which i am very grateful to.

I dont smoke, neither do i drink neither do i watch football, hence proved am not a human being at all. The criteria for speaking or surviving in my college without getting your ass ripped off. The moment you have the grass smoking you would find ten million people behind you and off course a girl to wade off your traumatic life.

At past i was mean , a very mean spirited person who just lives in his own world with hardly any friends and offcourse a person to be ridiculed. But when i change myself, the acceptance fall below average, i try talking softly to people and still i am getting ridiculed. People hate working with me just because i am not an affable person..lol you guys just dont want to accept me when i was changing and changed.

There are many overt instances when they show off the enmity on me for which i am still digging to find the answer. nowadays, making my things even more horrible people have started to ridicule the people who talk to me, its not necessary to be a dalit to get abused in my college.

I just dont wanna take name and neither i want them to know. Even to some people to whom i am following in blogger is a disgrace, All they comment is that " you cant write in any other topic other than philosophy and love" and then he walks off.

My mouth just gets zipped.

May be i am just an introvert who doesnt deserve to be in such a place. May be my mind isnt as evolved as others. May be I am that bad as people presume. May be I need to change to get along with everyone.

I want everyone to be my friends; I want them to know I am not a sort of guy whom they think. I know I am not living to prove things to other but I want to make my point. It brings cold shivers nowadays when I go on stage or do anything public.

May Be I need a time away from this place and clear things in my mind.

May be I need to pack things and leave!!!

300 Rs

2010-03-20T23:59:00.000-07:00

It was a wonderful evening; the streets were filled with many people with their face facing the pavements to catch a glimpse of any sale going on in Fashion street. It was the most awaited Mumbai Carnival, A time where the hard earned money of one year’s gets drained in a swap of a credit card. Arjun and Nisha were one among the shoppers walking in the middle of the road with their face turned right. Arjun was still grumbling for parking the car 5 kilometers away from fashion street, while Nisha could only hear SALE and see the heaven beside her. Nisha halted in front of a shop which showed an elegant black dress. Arjun was forcefully dragged into his deepest miseries. The showroom was filled with placards and advertisement showing the carnival sale by Priyanka Chopra. Arjun was mumbling even more. Nisha glanced at the piece on the display and asked for a try out. The sophisticated , yet humble owner brought her the dress, Nisha pounced onto it with excitement, It was black, studded with bauble and its aesthetic thread work gave it an expensive look, The very though of her in this dress made her even more excited and left her wanting for it. Nisha looked at Arjun and showed him the piece, with his usual concern , he flipped the dress and caught it with its price tag, It showed “2500 rs”, his heart skipped a beat, he looked again and again at the price and was surprised. He immediately handly the owner his golden colored Citibank credit card. Arjun knew that nisha loved the dress but he was just hoping that she doesn’t reconsider the decision as probably this must be one of her cheapest shopping ever. Arjun laughed at himself, considering himself lucky. The bill came first with the card and Nisha took the neatly packed dress in a cover which portrayed a pug holding a placard –“DOLCE”. Arjun looked at nisha for a formal and usual praise but all that came out from her mouth was ”Now matching shoes”.Arjun’s gleeful face dimmed like a rustic tractor and began mumbling again as he knew, arguing would only lead him to spend more. Nisha gently kissed Arjun’s cheek to lighten his mood but it didn’t work.

At some distance away, A callous boy who is just over adolescent walked through the crowded streets. He was coming back from his afternoon shift at Mc Donalds, he was lucky today to have made a 100 rs and a lunch with half eaten burgers and ice-creams, it was only during these days he could make some money otherwise everyone walking on the streets knew him. He was Raj, a school dropout, who makes him living at the mercy of the shoppers. Raj walked by the streets, counting his total earning of today. He was totally elated and though about the feast that awaited him for the rest of this month. Raj, moved from people to people who adorned atleast 10-15 paper bags with hi-fi English names scribbled on it, he was lucky to have got some more cash, when he just saw a girl holding a neatly packed bag kissing her boyfriend. He immediately looked down and saw the bag and spoke “ Wodofone ka kutta……ab jackpot, where ever u go our network follows.......hehe i follow”. He dumped all the cash and coins in his hand in his pant pocket and ran towards them and started begging for money.

Arjun ignored the beggar and walked while the beggars presence was felt by Nisha. She opened her purse to give the boy some money while arjun retaliated with a huge sigh and pulled the purse off her. The boy never stopped, he kept following Nisha . While adamant Arjun caught Nisha’s hand and pulled her fast . Raj never stopped he kept chasing them. Nisha abruptly stopped at a shop, a small shop on the side of a small turning. Raj stopped and looked at them , They both walked towards the small shoe shop and enquired about the price of a shoe to a girl taking care of that shop.The girl said “One minute , I will send the owner, I was here to just take care of the shop while he was away”, saying this the girl disappeared in the dark corner. A rough but shaky voice came out through the dark “ Yes!”, Arjuns and Nisha attention diverted from raj who meanwhile was asking for some alms. A short, half bald , white dyed beard and hair came, His walking stick bigger than him. He voice belied his age, His face completely wrinkled like an elephant and hardly any teeth, This man’s appearance showed his abjected poverty. The old man continued “ It will cost you 500 rs”. Arjun began to negotiate “I wont give more than 300 rs for this shoe” while Nisha tried to divert Arjuns attention from the old man to the Boy. After bargaining for sometimes, Arjun was annoyed by the boys presence and shouted “ move off!! I am not going to give you any cash, u r young and healthy …get your cash by working..u lazy pig!”. Raj’s face showed the young angry bull in him and said “tu nahi de raha hai na….tu marege saale , tu accident se marega”, those words just infuriated Arjun , He caught the boy by his collar and said “ Saale gutter, chal police station chal”. The old man seeing Nisha’s persuasion to stop Arjun from over reacting came forward and bet raj with his stick and asked him to leave. The boy said some curse in Marati and diffused among the crowd. Nisha’s eyes reddened by the words of the boy , while Arjun still hot and mumbling louder. The old man said “ Sahib! I will sell it for 300 rs” , you take it. Arjun looked at the old man, who could hardly move his fingers to cover the shoe in the shoe box, gave him 600 rs and took the shoes in his hands. The old man bewildered and gave away 300 rs to Arjun. Arjun meanwhile covering the shoes with polythene cover, gazed up in excite ment. Arjun spoke softly “ take it, i am ready to pay 600 rs for this shoe”, The old man got up form his chair and said “ But I sold it for 300rs only..here take 300 rs back”, Arjun was about to leave with Nisha who was clinging still to Arjuns left shoulder turned and said “ 300rs is for your will to work hard for your living”. The old man couldn’t understand and before he could reply Arjun had left.

For first Arjun walked with a smile on his face and walked 5km to the car without mumbling.

THE LETTER

2010-03-14T00:35:00.000-08:00

Dear Rita,

This was one of the best weeks in my life, in learning; however, some fortune sided from here and there. To begin with, my college saw one of the biggest fest- THE EMPORIA 1989, the scientific symposium. Hats off to the organizers for this successful fiesta and experience for me. The day begins at 9 in the morning and ended at 9 in the evening, the end result after tiresome day was a fourth place in an event and complete exhaustion. I loved the way things went, and got acclimatized to the agenda.

Met a lot of people in these 4 days, saw many new parts of people and also “enjoyed” with them. Group events had 4/3 different people in my group with different character and heavy headedness. Adjustments, complaints and victory came along my way. However, the victory didn’t give much of relief; It was mostly overshadowed by allusive complaints and contempt. I hate myself now, for not having recognized this in each and every one of them. Everyone (my team mates) targeted me and blamed me for being so callous. It was again allusive. I haven’t paid attention to people’s behavior as much as I did this week. I didn’t know that people type each and every word I utter in chronological order in their mind. For this I again censured myself for being so naïve and abandoning the true world. Among these, plots, climax and complaints the progress in competition was constant.

It’s amazing to see how life works, one point of time u gets advised and by the next second you advise people. I am not good at that, but worked hard in giving it and miserably failed. By the way, how can you advise better to the person who advises you always (some one who is didactic). I was acquitted for taunting (which happens always), not minding my own business and getting into the personal issues of others life (5^th in a row…waiting for 2^nd time hat trick, each time I change I get accused for the same thing for which I was accused first), for naming “uncultured” special prefixes and names to the applicants and last but not the least being very naïve and gauche. My mind still quest for the reason , but I appreciate your decision and completely support your unselfish accord.

I, by now have got used to these, and have become a prisoner in a bastion. I tried changing but complaints keep pouring, I try keeping pace with the changing world. My funny body and mind has become so different that I buried my true self deep underground over a tombstone etched RIP and I am happy that I have changed. I don’t want to dig up the real me, as I know that this present “me” is way stronger, better, adaptable and decently amenable. With the recent incident, I hardly can rely on any people who have become close to me by my “amenable” nature. But still, I have a hope that somewhere around the world I have a friend who is waiting to lend me his hand or shoulders when I need them. It’s funny to realize that whenever I was pepped while I was in depression was just a crafty trick played on me. In short, I was smoking cigarette so long and getting the symptoms of cancer in a heavy smoker.

It still lingers in my ears, your shivering voice, heavy breath and cutting words. I am not complaining- I am just enjoying the flourishing moments of my life. Unfortunately or fortunately you have carved a deep crust in my mind which might not be erased, even after my mind stops thinking.

Now, I am just sick and tired of changing myself and winning something in any competition in my college. I give up travelling blindfolded. I want to be a demagogue or rogue, his life is short and sweet with loads of excitements and anecdotes to narrate in hell or heaven. I give up my group of friends for you; I give up my friendship for you. I give up my tongue; life could be a bit sweet for a dumb. You might not accept that way but I am strong enough to assure that I can handle my life without you. It’s just another scar in a wound, so won’t be painful. The antidote for this anguish would be somewhere and I would hopefully found out.

I am moving on to the next city where superficial and skeptic relationship being outdated rules, only my dreams and my parents enjoying their ride in Venice is all in my mind.

Good Bye and would definitely miss the time I spent with you.

Regards

Murphy.

After the letter was posted to his sister, Murphy departed to where no human can come back!!

my photography....see and comment

2010-02-07T10:40:00.000-08:00

ADROITE EGOTIST- CASE STUDY

2010-01-25T23:55:00.000-08:00

Happy new year guys and gals!!....Life seems to be very strange, the things you want doesnt acctually want you to get it. With many twist and turns , life in short is never blantant and always circumlocutory.
Enough of this no LIFE business, The semester began with a new thrill. with my class unity broken and class being attended while i stay back at my home enjoying life with my new CAM.
Nevertheless, the impact is tacit. The day i arrived, i was stuffed with news more than what i can acctually hold to. I had to placate my professor about my attendance and lab manuals. WHile my friends walks in the streets with many heads turning towards him. LOL !!..Must be a gate crashing incident. Its a religion in my college that the most dumb and lazy goons and goonies(i meant the gals) carry the title of "OH!! My god!!". This argument was fought with many cogent people but at the end the most eloquent person stands to gain the most of the importance. My interest grew more huge and grandiose. Now, its the time to investigate the CASE of "OH! MY god"...
First review, it was simple, this creature works day and night and almost is nocturnal and philanderer except the unreasoning sexual orientation part (:P). This served the purpose, the next day the creature looks half doped.
THe creature moves around with some "elite" creature, who are garrulous, boring and very very inane. The inference, the box rite in your head is not being used.
The meet always, be it in the canteen , at the gate, in the hostel, at the gym....at the bathroom( oops!!....come out in flow), they just move around in a gregar.Oh i just forgot, Their new means of transport is from a 2 wheeled machine to a violet hilled 4 wheeled transport...strange......
THE RESULT: I became even more confused moving on to the test 2.

TEST 2:
I decided to test their mode of talk. The observations were very interesting.
THey just talk , talk , talk something but most of the time , they talk the same thing again and agian. They are hardly cogent speakers, they are verbose.
The creature under observation is quite different from the gregar , he is laconic. But unfortunately, conveys more through emotions and facial expressions.
Offcourse becomes very very cajoling when it comes to a telepathic talk through a small box which he holds it near the ear. The time flies , and he turns from laconic to glib loquaciousness.

RESULT:
A chameleon is the main characteristics of this creature.

TEST 3:
Socialization patterns.

This was very interesting as it walks on the road, he smiles and talks to everyone on the roads, not to the creature of the same sex but its the other. Or he walks with the same telepathic instruments on the road. His Colour changes as the sun goes to bed, he talks to almost everyone , everyone with ease. Phone calls comes flooding and creature on the other end, unvaryingly cajoles him and also obviates him.
its obvious to this kind of creature to obviate him as anyone would do the same for a king being coronated twice.

RESULT:
In short, the test for this continues.....next observations about the behaviour pattern would come in next paper.
CONCLUSION: CHAMELEON CREATURE, BOASTFUL, CELEBRITY........and more coming ...
the next paper would have his complete description.

Why?Newton: My Engineering Story - 2009

2009-12-24T20:37:00.000-08:00

Why?Newton: My Engineering Story - 2009

flooded eyes....

2009-11-20T02:54:00.000-08:00

It was a dark and silent room. It was so silent that i could heart my own heart beating, beating so erratically. I opened a half wooden door to find the same darkness in filling up my eyes. My breathing became strong and i found it difficult to breathe. Click! the light switched on, a neon bulb burning on top of the mirror....the mirror was dazed, with stains of ferric oxide on it. The remnants of the old drops formed a foggy dull shine, i could see my face, it looked more tired than before, the faucet was opened and gush of cold water started pouring out, it was cold , really cold. I bent down to wash my face , a gush of water cleansing the dust, i opened my eyes and found it covered with red, red liquid. Frantically, i washed my face with the sleeves of my shirt....my piece of brown skin showed up still stained in red...i washed my face with water, this time i observed the water flooding my hands, it was clear, i washed my face and quickly glanced at the mirror, my face covered with red. I dried my face using the shirt sleeves again and it was red but i could feel the cold air on my skin, i noticed, my eyes became red...i was standing looking at the red drops flowing from my eyes.Shocked!! I again jumped my hands into water and cleaned my eyes..i glanced at the mirror, i see myself laid face down, with the same clothes. Scared, i could feel the blood flowing into my hands and legs...i brushed my eyes again and again.. every time i look at it, i find myself laid down but now i see myself standing up slowly....not believing that it was in there.Immediately, i pinched myself for a dream, i could feel the pain. It was moving towards me, face stained with blood , arms twisted and neck broken. It kept coming closer to me, believing it to be haunted i panicked and reached for the door, i opened the door and i saw something falling towards me...screaming...i ran back...i found a body falling from the door.....the sound of it falling was echoing in my ears. Frightened , i walked up to the body and kicked it lightly...it laid still..i kicked it even harder...it laid still....i lowered myself and rolled the body to check out who is it..........i gasped back with fright , i found myself painted in red, with a big pool of blood at the center, unable to believe , i lowered agian and went to the body and checked out his body...i found it breathing.....with perspiration giving me enough toil, i cleaned my forehead, and checked it pulse....the body had no pulse..i check it again ..the pulse was dead..yet the body breathing...........

I closed my eyes not able to believe of what had happened....i could see my eyes flooding, i shut my eyes even more......with time, i opened my eyes, the floods poured out through my cheeks and i realised that i was on my bed with no body and blood around....yeah with just one difference, i am feeling of guilt for what i had done!!....SORRY, i am paying the price for it heavily!!

where am i to??

2009-10-22T02:51:00.001-07:00

the alarm rings...it rings...it continues.......i hear a faint loud noise echoing behind the alarm, it didnt stop , it continued growing louder, it grew louder than the alarm..now, i am restless i tried opening one eye lid to see the noise that is given competition to my phone's alarm....i usually consider my phones alarm louder than certain laptops itself....the voice seemed to be familiar, and it was cming from the figure next to my bed....the blurring figure kept making the noise, it took a few seconds to recognize this familar voice and the figure.....as though pumped with an injection of adrenalin,i sat on the bed ..folding the bedsheet..it was my mom kept shouting and shouting..no special reasons..getting up late....i took my phone and switched the alarm off but my moms wrath kept pouring, till i dragged myself to the wash basin to have a look at me and reach for my touch paste and brush...after the morning innings , my mom left for school and i somehow finished one glass full of milk...(burp!!)...with a sudden sense of anxiety i sprint to my room...switching on my computer...being a very very ultra modern comp it takes 20 minutes to boot up and alas my anxiety and adrenalin are ready to be pumped., i switch on my internet router and double click the "google chrome" and went off to collect the news paper and go through the headlines...after 10 minutes the chrome gets loaded and the internet gets connected..thankfully the internet is broadband...something too fast for an old tortoise (my comp)i type in yahoomail id and wait...the curses keeps rotating ..keeps rotating..the progress bar shows"connecting to mail.yahoo" ...again i glance at the cursor..it didnt change...with time, not only my patience was thinning my anxiety was also....i started becoming restless....alas, the main page of yahoomail apppears.....i rapidly type in my mail id and password...and press enter.......again the waiting game starts...but this time...t was very long..expecting a good news via the mail, the opened another tab and typed in gmail.....my anxiety grew as the tab in which yahoo was opened was showing the cursor rotating along the side it just said "YAHOO MAIL" ..to my dismay i havent recieved a mail...i logged out and signed in almost every 20 minutes just to find the same....even now i have written this blog only during that 20 minutes time....again when i open the mail box i get "NO unread message"

I M MUKUNTH

2009-09-26T08:46:00.000-07:00

The Hot brownie which i had from valentine kept my thoughts in it till coming to college by auto. Offcourse , also the fight about who being the best - Priyanka Chopra or Vidya Balan?... Fights apart, in recent times , i have been following the path of silence, however it didnt bring out much of change in me as me being a total introvert. The money was being paid to the Autowala and we were crossing the road, a youth ( nothing new) came fast in a bike and crossed us, he probably thought that the girl coming with us would be impressed by his "youthful" sense of driving. ON the contrary the girl was pale and i dont think that she would have even noticed the guy going in the bike. The college gate greeted me ad mist the guards whistling and the rather unusual couple walking in as we walked into our home. They seemed to be different something which they had and i lacked..........thoughts ran like chaotic rats in search of reason, they couple noticed me gaping at them but still kept showing they teeth and smiles at each other. It was getting late now, the dark clouds of time pulled the girl with us away to her territory. I marched towards my lair, I kept observing, everything ...every little thing happening around me. I noticed the argument between my colleagues walking with me about their profs being gud or bad........argument persisted in th background while my attention slipped to the next road, this time it was a bike ..no no bike carrying 3 people on it, all of them enjoying especially the guy in the middle. i knew him, i knew him very well. He was a guy who liked the girl with whom i walked into the college with. He noticed me gaping at him, all he had to give me was a very very awkwardly sly smile. The argument about the professor hadnt stopped yet, it seemed to be abysmal. By this time , my thoughts grew even more hungry...about what?? probably still searching for the question. A burst of laughter broke my thoughts, my stubborn stare caught the attention of group of young girls gossiping at the PMC. I reluctantly changed the look on my face, however my stare didnt give them a shit, they became quite but it was short lived , all broken again by a burst of laughter and they went back to what they are good in. Furiously i paced fast to my territory, which the arguments about the professor being good or bad heating up very well. I didnt give them a heed , again i was lost in thoughts , i saw people moving past me yapping in god knows wat language, people cycling fast and humming music and enjoying the AR rehman singing inside them.The lassitude lights kept moving as fast as the train moves in through a tunnel. Alas, i not only reached my hostel, the argument stopped , nevertheless the argument was superseded by the guy who always does even though his opponent had put in better arguments. I walk up hurriedly to my room , 2 heavens above.....passing though the people screaming , yapping , crying and cajoling . The last turn i made with my key , the latch was freed and the doors to my pretty messy heaven tore open. Now, Though the thoughts have stopped searching for the reason - all it said was I M MUKUNTH and its better you commune your self in this four walls to watever you were searching...............HAPPINESS AND JOY...................................

The other side

2009-09-02T12:25:00.000-07:00

Its been a while since i have blogged so i guess its the tome to begin a new era of blogging. Lols there is not gonna be a much of change in it...pretty much the same but with loads of facts and the blizz for others.

The three of them ran helter skelter in search of refuge from this tormenting rain. The clouds grew grey ,the peacocks grew colourful, and the three of us running in search of the nearest "dry " place. The wind grew strong, the rains dropped harder and the road became a stream.The rain wasnt expected anywhere sooner according to the unpredictable meteorologists. finally, the three thick friends found a shelter to save themselves from the never ending rain. The place was a bilapilated old college building. The three of them dried themselves using their wet napkins. The rains began growing stronger as the drops acted as slabs of opaque water falling mercilessly due to an endless fight in the skies. Shyam sighed and sat down in the steps dejected, cursing the rain. Rahul was busy making his wet-burnt phone work. while Vishal maintained solitude. The echo of the rains lingered and was broken by Vishal's loquacity. Rahul kept cursing the rain and while Shyam kept nudging him to stop. Vishal kept talking about the rain , how heavily its raining and how beautiful sounds it must be making. Noone ever payed any attention to each other. The rain began to abate and the opaqueness of the drops began to lessen and there in the far end stood a peacock with it full feather flocked up dancing to the nature's tune. Vishal grew anxious and ebullient and screamed in excitement as he saw this happening,Shyam saw the beautiful angel and began acclaiming the nature's beauty. Rahul heard the call of the peacock and began estimating it dancing tunes and enjoyed her hoarse voice....Shyam and Vishal got off the shelter and ran towards the peacock ,but the legend took off as it saw them approaching her at full speed. While Rahul stayed back. The dejected friends just smiled at the pesky bird and walked off to Rahul....

meanwhile one of the other 2 friends saw the three best friends and commented" saala, what a piece of shit they are, running after a peacock after all??" and knuckled....while another replied "Dude, they are special!!" the former countered" u supporting them kutta??" the latter knuckled"yeah"...the former fumed with rage and siad : u wanna be those bunch of loosers who call the peacocks crow sweet??" "yeah , it is sweet for those who doesnt hear it"," its an angel for those who doesnt see it" and " its a boon for us to keep listening to us without objecting to us".........." so u mean that they are physically handicapped??", "NO!!...they are just differently abled with different special gifts"

DEMISE of equality

2009-06-20T02:06:00.000-07:00

It was Shilpa's one of the most common days of her dissappointing life. As usual, the routine of her life for the past few years ,was to dress vivdly wid plain clothes and get ready to take her bag with her to search for admission . She wanted to go to college, and learn and earn more and give back what her parents had given her. The thought of her parents gave her an overshadowing remourse of the past , the life with them . She always vividly imagined the days wen her father used to carry her to school and tell her about the things going on in science and urged her to pursue the path never tyaken by many. Her life was completely different now, first of all she is grown now, and her parents are no more who died in the godra riots. She has been brought up in hostel with the amazon grouchy warden. It was about early morning , she stood in front of the mirror checking herself giving a quick glances at her watch. wen she had done , she flew towards her bag which a steriotyped one, she didnt look if her files and certificates were fine, as she knew tat it would be undisturbed body like the unclaimed corpse in the station. She ran down the road,she hurried her steps inspite of her having a hell lot of time for the interview. She almost jogged her way to the station , which by now was completely crowded by the local mumbaikars going to their work. She hurried to keep the pace with commuters and got her ticket, she sped to the platform and checked her watch , it showed 8.15 am. She had plenty of time, the interview was at 10.00 am. the fast local arrived and the crowd got down monotonously before the train could screech to halt. She amde it a point to get into the lady's cmpartment which was difficult to be spoted among the crowded bogies of the train. With her expert eyes she got into one, just beofre the tain kleft. The train immediately spung into immense speed and there the station dissappeared. She whispered" all going gud", the journey was about 30 minutes and by the time she reached her station , the compartment was almost empty. She was nervous ,as she desperately wanted to get into this college as this was her 18th college in mumbai she is trying for,Inspite of her gud grades and excellent educational rcord she has been denied admission. She briskly got into a taxi and went to the college, she was early , atleats an hour early. She hurried to the office , the office just got up after a along weekend break, the clerk guided her to the principal room and within minutes as though knowing the whole plan of the college she reached his cabin. It wasnt open yet, it was a common site for her as she usually reaches the place well in advance, she took time to relax herself and get into the interview mood, she quickly zapped through her files and certificates and kept repeateing her intro that she was about to give, she didnt forget a bit , everytime she told her intro she was excited about it even now, this being her 19th time. The clerk called her inside, she didnt know y, she looked questioningly at him, she replied " admission ke liye , patha hai na..dus baje". she freakishly gave a smile and nod , realised the time flew out well!!, the principals room was serene, with a huge neatly put desk and a board of tropies in the side. The place smelt of morning dew. The principal, looked at her and gave her assent to sit, the interview began , she briskly gave and showed her files , the principal seems to be impressed, she was sure to get admission , the principal gave her a nod , and questioned" its been 4 years since u completed ur school and y havent u got admission before , wat were u doing for these years?" her head spinned, she just hoped tat she would nt be questioned abt tat, she bleakly replied" a job, i was doing a job, so that i cud get enuf for my college", the next question was immediately and delivered a chill to her spine" wat job?? and wer?", she tot to tell another thing but she didnt have any sort of certificates to prove tat she has been working, her happiness was gone, gone forever, it was completely overshadowed by her past, she replied" i wont tell tat", the angry principal questioningly argued with her, the debate was for about 20 minutes , she came out of the cabin, drenched with sweat, she knew for sure tat she wont get admission agian, she was completely sobbing, she ran to a quiet corner and cried aloud, she kept sobbing and screaming" y me??"" wat did i have to do wid this??" " i am not supposed to be like this"...like always she walked agian back to her lair disaapointed , she sobbed even more, this time it was in her room, she wanted to end her life,nothing in this world matter to her to live, all she wanted for was education, the crime which she had made of thinking of education, she made up her mind and jus ransacked her room, searching for something strong. she made a noose with her bedsheet from the fan hook , bearing a worried and scared heart about the death and pain, she got on the chair, the noose carefully on her neck, she wiped her tears and screamed but still sobbing , and she pushed the rim of chair, the noose tightened and she couldnt breathe, her death enveloped her, with a last few jerks from her body the life of this innocent gal was taken. Shilpa could'nt forget the fact that she has been denied admission , which really prickked her . She was denied inspite of gud record , just because she was a sex worker which time could never heal............

DESOLE -FOR WHAT PEOPLE ARE MADE GREEDY FOR???

2009-06-10T00:17:00.000-07:00

It was serene ,calm, and provided me with much needed time and peace which seems to be scarse in this lively and noisy city of MUMBAI. The dome seemed to be irregular offcourse getting sharp at the ends , fitted with tiny multicolored glasses,all glittering joyfully and overpowering the each other with its wonderful glitter. Overall the mosiac of glass provided a glympse of what the temple had to offer for me in near time.The surrounding contained a chamber of pillars leading to the main altar, huge hallways just like the aisle in the church and offcopurse beautifully aestically carved altar. The altar was gaurded by few saffron wrapped priest who was busy humming to their hearts content not bearing the heat of the setting sun. The hallway was a closed room which did not provide any space for darkness and dampness. Craved religious figures and painted and framed pictures of god and goddess accompanied me through the hallways. The floors were painted with beautiful multicolored designed and even the roof wasnt left idle. Everything in that place was unique and idalic.The serenity and calmness makes me to do the obvious of switching off my mobile as i didnt want to prosecute this rule in his lair.Being early evening the temple had just woken up from its afternoon nap!!The priest-an adept nimbling his fingure acroos the gods statue to get him prepared for the evening score. There is going to be huge , stupendous,overwhelming crowd of pious eldersand acediate youths who are going to accompany the elders. There wasnt much to look around the temple, few round u make u could complete prayer for all eternity, but most of the time i was just listenning to the silence which i had experienced after a very long time-silence.Silence for which i wanted to be in and fell in love with it. The sancity made me realise what i didnt notice-peace of mind and also told me the fact that i am not ALONE.

ADMIST the coast, the dome with its golden altar seen from the side of the road. The automotives dont have inside the premises, one needs to walk alone half a mile on foot along the salty breez of the ARabian sea. The sea was calm , offcourse dirty-thanks to the modernisation of this evergrowing city of mumbai. The evening breeze was gentle. however it didnt seem to be as salty as it usually was wen we visited the place for the first time. apart form the sea, there was also an arabian sea of people walking along with me to visit the architectural marvel of the past centuries. we were welcomed by a huge gateway, which supported the inner dargah of this ancient mosque. The gateway was surrounded by minars each supporting hude helium lights and offcourse the electronic loudspeakers. The gateways was painted white which semms to have got its last coat centuries before. There was a thick crowd of people believing in another set of principles than mine's. the open walls which followed the entrance was hardly to be seen , the place was chaiotic and addle, with people moving in all directions. There was a huge crowd to a dome in the centre of this closed space. IT was decorated with bright prayer cloth all accross the dargah, The dominace of arabic was accentuated , we disguised ourslefs like the traditional muslims to blend into the crowd. The energy and noise was too high to make it serene or calm. But it had something which drove them to find out. The aesthetic dome was covered with glass pieces, from the middle hung av crystal chandalier which didnt make much of dominance. RIght below it was a silver frame supporting a huge , high frangrant, decorated green cloth which seemed to be their honour of prayer.Surrounding it were the priest, humming hymns and blessing the believers by the peacock feathers. The environment right outside completely cntained the gapping people and offcourse the magnifient city of mumbai which is still healing the wounds of 26/11 attack and also the structure which fought against time and stood there for turning everyones attention.

IT was then , when i made my way to the sea to soak my feet into the warm eveving sea water. There were many people along with me , in groups, in pairs, and alone all trying to do their way to enjoy what this unknown person has gifted us-life.Once i sat onthe humid rock which was the home for many mussells before, with my foot in water, viewing the red sun dip into the sea after a long days work, i again was made to realise whati didnt notic, peace of mind. For wat i have been searching, and wat i have been greedy for and wat we all hope for- peace.Both the buldings were just mere structures to the eyes of a common man. But it is a virtual site for peace for people who is a common man , but in desperate search of something wen he is ALONE or deserted.BEFORE WE LOST SOMETHING, BUT AFTER TAJ WAS BURNT TO SONTERS, WE LOST EVERYTHING, EXCEPT HOPE TO UNITE BACK FOR PEACE EVEN THOUGH WE ARE ALONE.

EAGLE EYES

2009-05-26T22:15:00.000-07:00

Bless all the people for cursing me to write down a new blog after a very very very long time.
well!! The exam turned out to be gud inspite of a very miserable underperformance, i landed up scoring decently this semester.First of all this wasnt a shock for me , i was happy enough to get wat i wanted( but i could have scored a lot) its not that i am nagging about my underperformance. I am greatful that i am not a whinner ,that saves me from a lot of scolding and pityness.What ever has been in the past is past and now lets come to the gift of present.

The holidays wasnt a drag this time as i had planned to make it a little bit tighter by doing an internship in Mumbai.The first 2 weeks flew off by getting used to very very nice food from the bad ones( past!!) which i did bear to eat for the last few months.
Spending time with mom and dad, did the magic of getting rid of the college chaos from my mind( as offcourse my exams too).We spent a lot of time than usual together and had more fun this time. Now thats just left me for wanting more when i go back this july.
Coming back to the point, There has been a lot of outing and fun rather than research and studies. Mumbai being a very inviting place for tourist who wander around in thirst for some exquisite destinations.Gladly!! we were one among them ( now we meaning = kanika , shreya , abhinav and myself ( all from the same college)). We had gone to numerous places like marine drive, gateway of india, TAj hotel, shivaji park, dadar beach, mahalaxmi temple, hajiali and last but not the least elephanta caves. These were the place which we had made it a point to look in the last 2 weekends. The best part of our trip was the elephanta caves. The ferry ride was rather dull and sickening. We were all left wanting to stand up steadily on our foot. The place was crowded and the sun did not show us any mercy and neither did the humidity. However, the cool winds blew only when we were returning back to gateway.
The caves were normal just like the normal indian caves, half the statues were broken and most of them were beheaded ( or was it made like that)..but still we enjoyed. I did enjoy the caves not for its rich indian heritage it showed inspite of its dilapilated condition but because of a girl. She was tall ,pretty dark and always had a fixed smile showing her near white teeth. Perhaps she did come to see the caves for the first time. She was accompanied by her mom( oh! no) and her sister or cousin which i didnt really know. Offcoure the villan of every guy came late,the father came late holding a bottle of water with him ( probably he bought them). She walked gracefully touching each and every bit of rock there (which was suppose to be the statues) carefully. I guess she was out of breath after the first caves, sadly her stamina was nt good. Her protective mom was telling her something everytime she went to a cave or to a statue. Even though she was tired she was getting happier and excited as she moved from one cave to another, by the end she was excited , just like a mad monkey.
I really dont know why was i looking at her all the time, she had something that brought my attention. Something , i adore and really needed at that time. I studied her more closely while we were getting down to get into the ferry but she seemed to be a perfectly normal gal . All of my friends got onto the ferry hurriedly to catch some seats .Luckly this time the ferry was way faster and the current also seemed to be gud as the water kept splashing on us. Still my attention was towards her, now she was not perspiring , she was talking on the phone probably to her brother, excited telling what she saw, just like a 5 year old kid who just jumps around if he gone to the zoo and telling his grandparents what he saw. Now the journey was over , this time the boat was very fast. the gateway welcomed us and behind looked the recovering Taj , shyly showing its heritage and determination of coming back after the shock it was in. There i turned around to find the girl who just wanted to tell me something ,dunno wat still, i spotted admist her relative all surround her just like a mother elephant protecting its cub from a lioness. There she took out a stick which was foldable , which grew out to look like a walking still, and she wore a pair of dark glasses, i realised what i learnt from her then, she taught me to live among all odd ,gave a simple request to help them and a curiousity to learn inspite of ones condition and offcourse the joy in living the life with what u are. Now i was greatful to god, not for making me born like her, for showing that girl to me who really knows a lot about life than me. The trip was still the best among the others. I learnt a lot , not from papers but from people and this time i really learnt it.
God , just dont be cruel to anyone else , for a sweet girl to be born BLIND.

YES , I AM

2009-01-10T09:25:00.000-08:00

This experience which you may be reading is probably very synoptic , just because I am writing this after watching despicable yet exciting movie- SAW 5. Leaving that aside , good times are hard ahead as the college reopened with no water and electricity on the day we arrived and to top it all off with no Internet too. Days didn’t seem to be on my way the next day either with a very tough and long timetable for this semester.

Seeing no use in sitting in the hostel , I wore in my jerkins and set to canteen to access the internet with WI-FI system. The route was covered with shadows with patches of indolent light from the street lights trying hard to show up their existence. Many other seniors were chatting loudly with friendly curses and off course some were on phone with their “loved” ones far apart. I spend 2 hours in the canteen accessing the net .I could have stayed for more but my laptop’s battery wouldn’t agree to stay longer. The time was around 1 in the morning , this is when i realized that I was enjoying the internet in solitude. With the street dogs making their usual patrol in the streets made me a little bit petrified. Nevertheless the solitude drove it off. With no one in far end of my sight , I felt as though I just bought the whole world. The slow winds cooled me and the rustling leaves giving me company. I had no one except for my own shadow. The lazy light glowed up as I walked as the spotlight following a cine star. The cool winds seized to blow ,instead a long silence entered my path. The silence was too much to handle for me, so I broke it up with my favorite song “adiye Kollude( someone’s killing me)” a song from a tamil movie. Being alone , I gave a shot on singing, I started humming the song as the song progressed ….feeling more confident I started singing a bit loudly , the winds blew up as if trying to make the trees to dance to my song….probably encouraging me to sing . However giving it my best, I started singing very loudly squandering all my energy. The wind tuned to my singing and becaming very strong , however I never realized that it was cold…be it anyone else seeing me do this probably would have confirmed that I was a lunatic on loose. Even after the song stopped , the wind didn’t making me realized what I was enjoying which even in million bugs you wouldn’t enjoy. Be it even with friends but no one could be a better companion nor your admirer than the nature…all of a sudden all the things flashed at once within me, making me realize the angel who was with me even when I was alone at midnight probably in the middle of some haunted road dwelled by the nasty street dogs. All I can do now is just wonder about that night ..that very night which made me realize that I AM IN LOVE………, OH!!! YES, I AM IN LOVE and what a way to realize that…………….

HOSTEL OR HOME???

2008-12-17T04:46:00.000-08:00

This might probably be my first entry since a month or so. All thanks to my college who by far "are still repairing the optic fibre which was burnt during the construction of a new hostel".
Well!! the college cant be blamed for all, its also because of my lazy tendency to visit the CCC and write the blog.
Stories apart, the past few weeks has been hectic, all because of the exams( needless to say any more). The week which completely changed the hostel into a tranquil graveyard which would other wise house the world in it. It is just like a new real world inside. on usual ocassions , the hostel would generally bear a festive look which music, laughter, fights,games and what not.... generally making the heaven of each and every inmate. Being in second year , after ailing from a year of ragging and rules, we have been freed from its shackles. usually the day is quite usually in early morning of 8 to 9, which was not the golden rule in the end of the semester. afternoon bears a haunted look with people screaching from each floor for some reason or the other. Evening , it would be shamefull to describe this world in words .Inspite all odds and difficulty we tend to enjoy the alacrity of the hostel.With you completely free from any rules and any supervision ,the life in hostel is a heaven in disguise.

After the exam, all celebrate their victory of completing a heculean task. Usually that night , even the ghouls and ghosts would dare to step into our lair.With the clock ticking , people from different part depart to their home.
Once at home, you land up with greetings ....a welcome which you would have never expected, The first few days would go out with a craze of "being home". which would later would die out . But the food , care and comfort would draw you at home.
This shilly shally between the 2 worlds cant be the same.
the world in which you have full freedom and in which you are all by yourself and another with a world with which you have lived for more than 20 years....
a tough task to choose!!
they are just like our 2 eyes...cant give up any!!!
hostel or home!!..??? still confused

BE(A)ST INTERACTIONS

2008-09-25T10:12:00.000-07:00

Hosh posh, splitter scatter!!!" "what is this ? a fish market!!" was generally the portrait of each and every "senior" when they had a fortune of their lifetime of working their iniquitous mind to slaughter the tranquil in their" junior's" face. Mostly the "seniors" which includes me too need to scream on top of our voice to make them hear what exactly we are asking them to do. We don't get tired much by screaming, as thanks to the white collar hierarchy that they have installed a coffee machine, where the waiters(coffee boy) are the juniors to provide you with anytime ,anywhere and any quantity of coffee or tea. its just 4 hours of cheerful time of being the king!! how does it sound?? isn't it interesting or fascinating?

Well!! who would dare to blow up such a chance.

Of course if there are rotten ones, there are also fresh ones too, there were some people who just blew away , not minding such an amazing chance. All he had to do is show his face to his juniors without even considering them as living beast, all just to keep up his virtue. Obviously many of us would have made promises for not ragging or rather screwing the "juniors", all just written in dust , Just one blow of heavy breath is enough to forget it.

One thing why second year are fond of ragging is that they got newly promoted as "seniors" probably after an hardship of an year of ragging with all sorts of whines and howls that they suffered with , like a kid playing with it new ball.

So with the fresh memories of ragging , all of us lay down , look down upon our "juniors" and order them , question them just as you were asking a VIVA, And the receivers(juniors) plug in pictures of empty, calm and innocent faces.

With Dancing, screaming, singing , clapping, shouting going on admits the loud chitter chatter. likely we have an another cadre of people , who just move in groups just in a motive of" MAKE THEM CRY!!", in animated version , you would be looking like a group of ghouls trying to scare the nuts out off the people!...voila!! they succeed and just to add the icing to the cake, they would make them cry if not you are DEAD buddy !!. All probably just to get entertained. Who knows if you think you are lucky you might find the indo-Britons mutiny all erupting again just that it is not really them but with subservience,we live up to our name of being indians, the juniors never relinquish (like expected).

The tranquility and the calmness is all restored when the final bell rings. With relief of being freed would lighten them up. with the whole population of entire second year goes to the coffee machine to get the last sip of anything FREE. Wat else do you need, officially authoritative ragging , coffee free and 4 hours of entire BILL GATES life.........

still we ask for more .....why would this ever end, if not the canteen we always have the chai shop right outside the college gate- perfect place to censure them all gain...going back to square one!!!...THE GAME BEGINS!!

i dunt know y am i doing this!!

2008-09-18T05:38:00.000-07:00

I really don't know why i am doing this. I am probably the most jobless person to have just started blogging just because my friend started it. Ah! that could be the reason to show that i can do things which other people can do. This is probably the common personality problems that most of us would have encountered. Still i don't have any reason for writing a blog, may be its because ,its for the first time that i am using a blog. Off-course , this might be very childish of me doing just as my friend did it, may be because of my anxiousness of trying out something new or may be because i am bored. Most of the times ,i think to myself of why i am doing this, instead of reasoning my act i would probably just wade away by thinking why shouldn't i do this. Even some times during my lecture , i seem to be lost in dreams of why i am doing this , off-course the reasons may be plenty but at the end of the day i just stay for my attendance.

Reasons are plenty but the choice are really very few, who knows which one might be right, obviously no one teaches you how to reason yourself!! for my case this would have been better if some one was really there to teach me why i think and find reasons for doing my stuff.

Sometimes i think i need an girl friend, i immediately jump into the action , search for one , speak to her who knows i might be even flirting with her but after a few days when this routine becomes same and boring, i just ping myself " Why the hell i am doing this?". off-course there is a surge to find a girl of my choice in college and roam with her around not just for concreting my attitude but just because i need it.

Everything in this world can be solved in millions of comfortable ways, probably you just have to look out for the best one. Best one??...how do i get that, should i approach a teacher, i really don't know about that! there are many things in my life that i should have reasoned which could have placed me somewhere better or worst. Now i guess i am confusing you people and also myself. Trust me i don't know why i am doing this.

This question will ponder in my mind till i reason them properly.Until then at least you people try reasoning your work, why , how and what , when??......may be one day this question of why i am doing this will end...

Now WHY AM I DOING THIS TO YOU??...thinking ...still thinking........ the quest continues...!!